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Maya Angelou: A Phenomenal Woman

Maya Angelou

By Cheryl Mattox Berry

As a tribute to the indomitable spirit of poet and author Maya Angelou, I’d like to share my favorite poem, Still I Rise. The words aptly describe how I’ve felt many times surrounded by people who questioned my credentials or held preconceived notions about how I was supposed to act, speak or dress.

The poem is sassy, funny and inspiring. May it boost your spirit when you’re feeling low, give you courage when obstacles seem insurmountable and soothe you when the world seems against you. It has done all of that and more for me.

Still I Rise 

You may write me down in history

With your bitter, twisted lies,

You may trod me in the very dirt

But still, like dust, I’ll rise.

 

Does my sassiness upset you?

Why are you beset with gloom?

‘Cause I walk like I’ve got oil wells

Pumping in my living room.

 

Just like moons and like suns,

With the certainty of tides,

Just like hopes springing high,

Still I’ll rise.

 

Did you want to see me broken?

Bowed head and lowered eyes?

Shoulders falling down like teardrops,

Weakened by my soulful cries?

 

Does my haughtiness offend you?

Don’t you take it awful hard

‘Cause I laugh like I’ve got gold mines

Diggin’ in my own backyard.

 

You may shoot me with your words,

You may cut me with your eyes,

You may kill me with your hatefulness,

But still, like air, I’ll rise.

 

Does my sexiness upset you?

Does it come as a surprise

That I dance like I’ve got diamonds

At the meeting of my thighs?

 

Out of the huts of history’s shame

I rise

Up from a past that’s rooted in pain

I rise

I’m a black ocean, leaping and wide,

Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.

 

Leaving behind nights of terror and fear

I rise

Into a daybreak that’s wondrously clear

I rise

Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,

I am the dream and the hope of the slave.

I rise

I rise

I rise.

                                                                              – By Maya Angelou (1928-2014)

Deal With High School Boyfriend Issue Before Leaving for College

By Cheryl Mattox Berry

What to do about the high school boyfriend is a dilemna for many girls headed off to college. Do you continue being boyfriend and girlfriend or break up? Let’s examine the pros and cons of each one.

If you decide to remain a couple, you won’t feel pressured to find a boyfriend soon as you set foot on campus or feel bad about yourself if most of your friends are dating someone by the end of the first semester.

However, keep in mind that a long distance relationship requires a lot of work. Before you leave, discuss with your boyfriend how you’re going to make it work, i.e., visits, Skype, Facetime, texts, etc. Be aware of each other’s schedules, so that he doesn’t call you when you’re studying and vice versa.

Problems often arise if the boyfriend doesn’t go to college. He’s clueless about college life and might get jealous of your new friends – male and female. Don’t be surprised if he gives you the third-degree about your comings and goings. That can create a lot of stress in a relationship and make you resent him.

The down side of staying together is that you deny yourself an opportunity to meet other young men who might be more fun and interesting than the high school boyfriend. College is all about meeting new people from other cultures, countries and regions of the USA.

You and the boyfriend should make a pact to tell each other when you no longer want to date exclusively. You don’t want to string him along nor do you want to be strung along.

If you decide to go separate ways, it could be a win-win for both of you. You’re free to date other young men and can remain friends with the boyfriend, no strings attached. Both of you will look forward to seeing each other on breaks or not.

Don’t rush to break up now, though. Enjoy your summer vacation. As it gets closer to the time for you to leave, bring up the subject and explain why breaking up is a good thing for both of you.

Keep the lines of communication open. You will enter college as a freshman with no complications, free to date whoever catches your eye. As the saying goes, “If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it’s yours. If it does not come back, it was never meant to be.”

 

20 Things to Make Mom’s Day

By Cheryl Mattox Berry

While flowers, chocolate and jewelry are greatly appreciated on Mother’s Day, what most Moms really want is help around the house, a little fun and time to herself. Here are some ways to make sure Mom has a fun-filled and relaxing weekend.

20.  Walk the dog.

19.  Clean your room.

18.  Wash, dry, fold and put away your clothes.

17.  Put dirty dishes in the dishwasher and empty it when the cycle finishes.

16.  Fill up the gas tank after you use the car.

15.  Honor your curfew.

14.  Stop bickering with your siblings.

13.  Instead of asking what’s for dinner, cook Mom’s favorite foods.

12.  Help Mom unload groceries from the car and put them away.

11.  Climb into bed with Mom and have some old-fashioned girl talk.

10.  Take Mom to a chick flick.

9.    Buy Mom a hot new shade of lipstick.

8.   Let Mom choose what to watch on the big TV.

7.   Spend the afternoon with Mom doing what she likes.

6.   Take pictures with Mom.

5.   Buy Mom something silly that reminds her of her childhood.

4.   Compliment Mom.

3.   Give Mom a hug and kiss when she least expects it.

2.   Say, “I love you, Mom.”

1.   Let Mom sleep late on Mother’s Day.

Be Your Own Woman, Beholding to Nobody

V. Stiviano

By Cheryl Mattox Berry 

If you follow some of the women on reality TV and those in the headlines (V. Stiviano/LA Clippers controversy,) they would have you believe that the key to fame and fortune is a rich man. So what if he’s married, go after him anyway. Better yet, have a baby by him and flaunt your innocent child in front of the cameras.

These narcissistic women may appear to have it all – designer clothes, sports cars and front row seats at major events – but don’t be fooled. There’s a price to be paid for being arm candy.

No. 1, you can be bounced just like that (finger snap) for a younger, cuter and skinner model. Poof! It’s all gone without even a text. All you have are Instagram photos and last season’s clothes, scrambling to hook up with someone else before the bills start rolling in. You go from being a kept woman to a desperate woman.

That is no way to live: dependent on someone else for food, clothing, shelter and transportation, suppressing your wants and thoughts, subjecting yourself to his whims and worrying about it all disappearing?

If you think a wealthy man is your ticket to the top, think again. That plan is badly flawed. A better strategy: Aspire to be a successful woman. Map out a plan to make it on your own so that you can pay your own bills and have equal status in a personal relationship.

That might take longer than it does to snare a Sugar Daddy because there are no shortcuts to success. Dedication + discipline + determination = SUCCESS. It requires education, hard work and paying your dues.

The road is fraught with disappointments, failures and setbacks. But if you don’t give up, you’ll get there. People might try to block your path, but they’ll never be able to take back the knowledge you gained in college or your degree. With them, you can go far and not be beholden to nobody.

Or you can be that girl who looked crazy on TV, trying to convince viewers that she’s a highly paid personal assistant, not a prostitute. It’s your choice. Choose wisely.

 

New Rules to Live By

By Cheryl Mattox Berry

Here is the latest installment of Rules to Live By. 

1.  Send invitations to family members in your city just as you do to friends and out-of-town relatives.

2.  If you must borrow something, return it on the date promised and in the same condition. If it is damaged, offer to pay for a replacement, and do it.

3.  Never snoop through another person’s email or cell phone.

4.  Don’t take another person’s medication. It was prescribed specifically for them. Although your symptoms may be similar, you might not have the same illness.

5.  Carry your own pencils and pens. It’s annoying when you show up to class without them.

6.  Bad news, such as a break up, should be delivered in person or on the phone. A text or email is too impersonal.

7.  Don’t ask to borrow personal items from strangers, such as lipstick, comb, brush, eye shadow and eyeliner. The owner might have an infection that is passed along to you.

8.  Chip in to buy gas or pick up the tab for a meal if a friend is always carting you around in her car. Gas is expensive.

9.  Go mute when your BFF’s boyfriend starts asking questions about her. Suggest that he go directly to the source. Stay out of their business.

10. Be honest when a girlfriend asks how an outfit looks on her. If you don’t tell her it’s not flattering, who will?

11. By the same token, if you ask that question, be prepared to live with the answer. Don’t get angry if it’s not what you want to hear. The truth is painful sometimes.

12. If you get caught in a lie, come clean instead of trying to cover up the lie. Lying is a lot of work, and it takes skill and a good memory to keep your lies straight. Telling the truth is a lot easier in the long run.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Don’t Blow a Lot on Prom Dress

By Cheryl Mattox Berry

Mothers and daughters everywhere are participating in an annual spring ritual – shopping for the perfect prom dress.

My niece and her mother went to the mall a few days ago, and she found a dress. Problem is, it costs $750. My mother had a laughing fit. My jaw is still on the floor after hearing the price.

I did some quick math: If you add shoes, accessories, hair and makeup, prom night could set my brother back about $1,000. Seriously, for one night? My niece has lost her mind.

It was only six years ago that I bought my daughter a prom dress. I paid about $185 for a short dress that she wore once after prom. Long dresses were going for about $250 back then.

To see what has changed since 2008, I decided to check out a few stores. Department stores had a huge selection of gowns – beaded, strapless and cutouts – ranging from $250 to $375. Gowns at boutiques sold for $279 to $600. Discount chains had a small selection and limited sizes, but the prices were great – $79 to $99 – and they looked like the same gowns in department stores. Prom dresses were low as $99 online.

Conclusion: There’s no need to spend $750 on a prom dress. Paying a higher price doesn’t guarantee that you’ll be the only one in that dress. I know from experience.

I bought a dress from an exclusive boutique for my first prom. To my horror, I saw another girl with the same dress on my way to the ballroom. I made a point of keeping my distance from her the whole night. And, yes, I wore the dress best.

Before you fall in love with an expensive gown, ask your parents how much they’re willing to spend on a dress. Peruse catalogues and online stores to get an idea of what you like and the prices. Be open to shopping at places where you and your friends might not buy clothes, a mom store, for example.

If you’re going to college, keep in mind that you’ll want some money to shop for clothes that are stylish on your campus. It doesn’t make sense to spend a whole lot now for a dress that will end up in back of the closet never to be worn again.

Luckily, my brother said he’s not plunking down $750 for a prom dress, and I don’t blame him. His limit: $300. One dress for one night shouldn’t break the bank.

 

Get ‘Happy’

Pharrell

By Cheryl Mattox Berry

Once in a blue moon, a song comes along that touches your soul and makes you want to dance and shout. In other words, it makes you happy. Pharrell’s Oscar nominated song, Happy, from the Despicable Me 2 movie does just that.

I heard the song for the first time during a zumba class at Body and Soul gym in Coral Gables, Fla. The instructor played it toward the end of the hour-long class when I was completely exhausted. To my surprise, the song energized me. I looked in the mirror and saw myself smiling, clapping wildly and doing the twist all over the place.

When the song ended, I was still pumped up, and the hook looped in my head all day. I bought the CD, Girl, the next day, and play Happy every time I get into my car.

There’s something about that song that forces you to relax, smile and do a happy dance. Another instructor at my gym did a Happy video. It shows a little girl singing and dancing, a little boy break-dancing, a baton twirler with fire and women of all ages dancing. I was videotaped dancing with the instructor, but it didn’t make the final cut. (There goes my 15 minutes of fame.)

The choir at Detroit’s Academy of Arts and Sciences also made a Happy video with the cutest choreography. I’ve seen it on YouTube so many times that I know all their moves. The Happy song plays in the background of a Fiat commercial, featuring P. Diddy, now Puff Daddy again.

Happy is addictive and the perfect stress buster. You’ll need it as you prepare for standardized tests, end of the semester exams and college entrance exams. If you’re feeling down, listen to the lyrics, feel the beat, move your feet and feel better.

Here come bad news talking this and that, yeah

Well, give me all you got, and don’t hold back, yeah,

Well, I should probably warn you I’ll be just fine, yeah,

No offense to you, don’t waste your time

Here’s why

Because I’m happy

Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof

Because I’m happy

Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth

Because I’m happy

Clap along if you know what happiness is to you

Because I’m happy

Clap along if you feel like that’s what you wanna do

Hey, come on        

  Bring me down

Can’t nothing bring me down

    My level’s too high 

For the fun of it, make a Happy video with friends or form a flash mob to dance during the lunch hour at your school. Encourage students in the audience to dance along with you. Ask the principal for permission to play the song over the PA system on the day of testing and when it ends.

Everyone needs a few minutes of silliness to make it through the day. So, get Happy and dance!

 

Beyonce ‘Partition’ Song: Crude

Beyonce

By Cheryl Mattox Berry

Some celebrities will do anything for attention. They believe there’s no such thing as bad press. Truly talented artists usually don’t go for media stunts because their work speaks for itself, which brings me to my question of the day.

Why in the world would Beyonce produce a risqué video, Partition, with lyrics that include cussing and description of a sex act? I would expect this of Lil’ Kim but not Queen Bey.

This is the same performer who First Lady Michelle Obama said was a role model for girls everywhere, and President Barack Obama called a role model for his two daughters. Hmmm, I doubt Sasha and Malia will be allowed to watch the Partition video.

I don’t understand why someone of Beyonce’s stature has to stoop this low. First, we heard “bow down b——,” in one of her songs, then it was the sexy Drunk in Love performance at the Grammy Awards, and now this. Is a Jay-Z/Beyonce sex tape to follow?

Beyonce fans are quick to come to her defense, saying she’s an artist who is taking it to the next level or she’s showing love for her husband. Considering how the Carters guard their privacy, it confounds me that they would make a video about something so personal.

What exactly is the message to fans and young women who look up to her? I can think of a few but don’t think it’s appropriate to write them in this space. Yes, I have standards.

I’ve always considered Beyonce a class act, but not so much anymore. A role model? I can think of so many other women who are doing great things personally and professionally that don’t require an X-rating.

Beyonce’s Partition video is classless. Her performance is not something I want my young nieces to emulate. I hope whatever Beyonce is going through runs its course quickly so that she can get back on track.

Get Comfortable in Your Dark Skin

Lupita Nyong’o

By Cheryl Mattox Berry

As we observe Women’s History Month, I encourage you to embrace girls and women of all hues – from white to ebony. I was reminded of how the media tend to forget women of color, especially those with darker skin tones, during the buzz leading up to Oscar night.

Everyone was making a fuss over Lupita Nyong’o, who won an Academy Award for Best Supporting Actress in 12 Years A Slave. The Mexican-Kenyan young woman is a beautiful actress who never makes a misstep when it comes to style. Some fashion critics have remarked how bright colors pop against her beautiful dark skin.

Funny how that works. It seems as if darker-hued girls are glorified when they’re on the silver screen or runway and speak with an accent. What happens to regular dark-skinned girls who live in this country is a different story.

In real life, many are discriminated against and made to feel less than at school, work and even their own homes because of their dark color. Sadly, some black folks are still color struck in 2014.

This has had a profound effect on the self-esteem of these girls. You’ve heard, read or seen stories on TV about black girls hooking up with light-skinned boys, especially those from other ethnic groups, so that they can have a light-skinned “pretty” baby with good hair.

A child who looks like what these girls want to be doesn’t change them. When that teen mom looks in the mirror, she still sees the same dark-skinned girl with color issues. She should have been seeking counseling to boost her self-esteem instead of looking for a baby Daddy.

Dark-skinned beauties, you don’t need anyone else to define you, especially the media, which have a distorted sense of beauty. Accept the color of your skin because, frankly, there’s not much you can do about it short of using bleaching creams.

You can’t let the opinion of others crush your spirit, stifle your ambition or snuff your dreams. Since the media have declared that you are en vogue, take advantage of it. Show off your color. Walk with confidence. Display your unique style. Be daring.

Now that you’re front and center, stay there. Never, ever let anyone put you in a box because, as Bruno Mars sings, you’re amazing just the way you are. Read his lyrics and believe.

When I see your face

There’s not a thing that I would change

‘Cause you’re amazing

Just the way you are

                              –  Just The Way You Are, Bruno Mars